Breathing in Sync
by rachelray131313
Summary: He wants her more than anything, but his own words stop him from speaking the truth: "You and this job are all I have left." This story is set sometime after "Fault" (the Gitano case). Note: In this AU, Olivia doesn't go undercover in Oregon or leave SVU for computer crimes.


A/N: I've watched SVU for years but recently just binged all 20 seasons from the beginning. I couldn't resist writing about Olivia and Elliot - their love is so deep and true! (If you're not on the E/O bandwagon, then this story probably isn't for you. It's set sometime after "Fault" (the Gitano case), and in this AU Olivia never goes undercover in Oregon. I'm super nervous about posting this since I haven't written any fanfiction in years, so I'd really appreciate any reviews/advice you guys have to offer!  
P.S. I know this chapter is short and doesn't tell you much, but I promise it's leading to good things :)

I don't know exactly when I fell in love with Elliot, but it happened, despite my attempts to stifle my feelings. I mean, it's not like he's New York's most eligible Bachelor; he's been married to his wife since they were kids _and_ they have four children. They're separated now, but he's Catholic so actually going through with a divorce seems unlikely. He's unavailable in every way possible, yet I can't stop wanting him.

And it's not like I don't get dates – I have plenty of chances. But when El is my standard, how can any other man measure up? He is in my blood and my bones and I can't just remove something that's a part of me now. We breathe in sync.

I don't want to be a homewrecker. I don't want to take a father away from his family. I don't want to be _that _woman. I can't be _that _woman.

"Liv?" I look up at him from across the desks. "Liv? Did you hear me?"

I rub my temple. "No, sorry."

"I asked if you wanted to call it a night. I've been staring at this file for the past thirty minutes and I can't find anything that we missed. And clearly you're not getting anything new from the crime scene photos."

I tuck my hair behind my ear. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I want to nail this son of bitch, but it's probably for the best if we start fresh in the morning."

"Do you want to grab a bite? I don't even remember the last time I ate."

"Uhh, I'm really tired, El. I think I'm just going to head home."

"But Liv, you have to eat something." I roll my eyes as he continues, "Let's compromise. We'll get takeout and eat at your place."

"You're not going to let this go, are you?"

He winks at me. "Nope, you know me by now, Liv."

"Fine, I'll do it. But you're paying, El!"

* * *

I glance up at her from across the desks. She's staring intently at a photo of the crime scene while twirling a strand of hair with her finger. After a long day full of dead ends in the case, the sight of her is calming. She rubs her eyes and blinks a few times and I can tell she's tired. We're the last ones left in the bullpen.

On nights like these I think about what it would be like to take her home, to share her bed, to fall asleep to the rhythm of her breath. I imagine looking into her deep brown eyes as our bodies truly connect for the first time and I show her the kind of love she's deserved her entire life but never received.

I know this can't ever be our reality. I'm her partner and there's a line between us. It's thin and has been blurred and smudged more times than I can count, but it's still there. I don't want to ruin us by erasing the line completely. My words to her after the Gitano case echo in my mind: "You and this job are all I have."

My stomach grumbles and pulls me out of my day dream. I try to recall what I've eaten today besides 5 cups of coffee. Maybe a bite of toast at breakfast? I can't really remember, but I do know that if I haven't had anything Liv hasn't either and she's got to be as hungry as I am.

It takes some convincing, but I get her to agree to sharing takeout at her place. I'm thankful because now I can make sure she actually eats something. In a more selfish vein, I'm relieved I don't have to return to my empty apartment right away.

We pack up silently and make our down to the car.


End file.
